I think I need a place to get words out of my head. I'm not even sure what the words are or why there's the compulsion to write them, or even if they make sense. But regardless...that's what this blog is for...whatever random musings come into my head. There may be emo rantings, there may be things that just sound pretty at the time....hell there may even be things about my life somewhere in between. They may make sense...they may not...but I guess that's just the way that things work sometimes.
I like to think I'm a complicated person. Sometimes it's probably not true, and I'm as transparent as a glass of water, but I feel that the more common occurance is people look at me and have some idea of what's going on in my head...but are still confused about me. Of course that might just be me trying to make myself *feel* like I'm complicated. After all, noone wants to feel like they're predictable, we all want to be that little bit mysterious, because we all know that those safe, dependable, people we know are at the end of the day, that little bit boring. But those exciting people, the ones who do things with no logical motivation, they seem to have so much fun. So we all want to be one of those people...and regardless of other people's opinions we remind ourselves of all those little spontaneous things we've done lately - those knick-knacks we bought with our last $10 for the week, that one drink we had that might have put us over 0.05 before we drove home, or that late night drive for coffee with a friend we planned in the moment.
Do other people notice these things? Do they *really* think that these kinds of acts are spontaneous? Do they give us that edge of mystery or do they just make us seem like a normal person trying to push their own comfort zones?
Why do we even feel the need to push our comfort zones in the first place? I mean, sure, it's not so great to just sit within comfortable boundaries, but do we push ourselves for our own benefit? Or do we just do it sometimes for show? So that people don't begin to think we're becoming complacent or bitter about our lives without any motivation to change it?
I guess it really just comes down to how much we think people are watching us? Do people pay that much attention to us that they notice these sorts of things? Do we notice these things in the people around us, and if we do, do we notice it to the point where we judge people? And just because we do does that mean people look at us in the same way, or do we just convince ourselves they do just to motivate ourselves just to be something more than what we are now?
